It is then 1996, and here that I meet and become entranced with cult leader the Reverend Ross. A former man of God, Revvo (as we call him) experienced a personal, emotional, mental and physical breakdown when he started to hear his beloved stuffed cat Sammi making predicitions about the state of world affairs. This led to him embracing the cult of atheism, and installing Sammi as its titular head. Revvo introduces me to the spiritual side of life, though I am more impressed by the potential of a psychic stuffed cat, and in the dead of night one night, I grab Sammi from the altar and make a run for it.

With Sammi The Psychic Cat I set off on a tour of West Northumberland and am met with critical acclaim. My star has finally risen.“The turd in life’s bowl has been flushed” as Ernie would have said, had he ever been given another episode...