Here I try to ignore any potential pleas for me to return to the world of comedy and find my true destiny, in the form of ‘Corky Clarkson’ an Australian ‘Outback Specialist’. I penetrate his manly exterior, reveal the secret double meaning behind his occupation and move in.

On occasion I pick myself out of semi-retirement and make a public appearance, but this is curtailed after the lady at my local ‘Noodle and other Chinese goods’ asks for an autograph. Though ostensibly a credit card slip, I can see from the star-struck look in her eyes, that if I acquiese to this, it won’t be long before the legions are beating down my doors. Again.